5 Tips for Making Boundaries Stick

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Ending a marriage or relationship for couples who share children and lack boundaries can add fuel to the fire. Even if you work to identify resources or find some tips that speak to your challenges it is usually the "how do I make this change stick" part that keeps you feeling frustrated and like change is impossible.

We certainly knew that we needed to establish boundaries, we just needed a boundary framework. There is a high chance that many of you are feeling the same way we did. You are not alone. 

Learning to set boundaries and de-escalate conflict is key. 

Ginger Gentile, Forbes 

If this, is you, we got you! Here are some effective strategies with application-based tools to help you regain peace and space needed to stay focused on your parenting journey.  

Choose a Parenting Style

Creating space and peace through strategic boundaries will help you discover a new normal whether it is through full on co-parenting, or just a sprinkle of co-parenting (per a parenting plan) with parallel parenting as your go to style.
Many former couples assume that there's one only way to parent their children, but in fact, there are options.

Developing a healthy relationship for the well-being of children is essential to their emotional and psychological health. It is vital that each parent behaves respectfully toward one another. Whether you are experiencing toxic one-way communication or both sides are challenged there is a solution.

• Co-parenting refers to the style of raising children where both parents discuss issues that arise and come to a mutual understanding of how to proceed which may require much communication, mutual respect, and great flexibility. In the early stages of divorce this may not be a realistic option.
• Parallel parenting is an optimal option when both parents have their own child-rearing styles and communication occurs only when addressing parenting needs as agreed upon within the parenting plan. This style minimizes the amount of communication, and contact you have with your ex-partner.

Whichever life map best meets your individual parenting needs, at 1HL we are excited to support you with a private and secure space to manage everyday life. Sometimes all we need are the right tools and a big I don't want to keep living life stuck on repeat—same issues, different day.

Design Your Time 

Having a confusing, or unclear way of making schedule changes or staying on track with extracurriculars, holidays, even the everyday challenges of "your day my day" schedules that requires both parents to constantly communicate can be the source of major conflict. 1HL offers a calendar tool that helps set boundaries around the scheduling request change process supporting contactless communication. 

Having access to your calendar 24/7 not only helps to effectively plan but maintain balance when determining availability when schedule change requests happen, and they will.  Rash decisions can result in frustration and conflict when schedules are disrupted. Creating a calendar will help you to design your time not only with the typical activities but with all the adventures of life that you are designing you know those all-day pajama days, a simple park day or the big celebrations. 

Creating a calendar makes it easy to determine whether there is room to modify using a simple "accept or deny" to honor the boundaries around your parenting time. Instant 1HL notifications keep everyone informed and eliminate the frustration and stresses of direct communication.

Communicate as if You're Co-Workers 

Pause first and apply a business tone when communicating with an ex-partner. Consider how you would "present an ask" or "respond to an ask" if you were communicating with a boss or colleague. Keep it respectful, professional, and concise. This technique eliminates spiraling, or emotionally charged statements and puts you on track to generate healthy communication transactions. 1HL instant alerts give you the time and space to thoughtfully respond.

1HL makes private and secure contactless communication a reality. Manage all your shared parenting details in one location-eliminating ongoing convos in multiple places (calls, texts, emails), yes please, right! The 1HL platform provides the structure needed to make the positive changes you need without you having to do the heavy lifting. 

Use an Expense Tracker with Instant Notifications 

Setting boundaries around your parenting expenses is an easy way to ease conflict and increase the peace and harmony surrounding your child. 1HL offers expense management tools that help to make co-parenting straightforward and conflict-free. The tool provides you with an expense tracking system to easily submit to a co-parent for reimbursement using contact-less communication. 

Tired of keeping receipts or losing them and then having to deal with the issues that arise from having to manage even just one more thing? Take a picture of your receipt, upload it, and send an expense tracker to your ex-partner all from your phone. This avoids texts, calls, and emails that so often occurs when one parent is owed money, or a budgeting expense has been made that isn't in the plan. A high-conflict ex may be hesitant at first, but when you follow through on this boundary, they'll see that they must stick to it as well.  

Minimize Engagement
When your ex (whether they are high conflict or not) tries to communicate about topics unrelated to your parenting plan choose to honor your personal boundaries. When communication is required around the typical pain points, like scheduling or finance aspects you can choose to have thoughtful engagement using the 1HL platform. Use a private and secure information center to keep information related to common "shared needs" in one place that can be accessed 24/7. Keep communication contactless with 1HL tools and learn to breathe through the rest.

Dissolving a partnership will be hard, but rest assured, you are not alone. Create the boundaries you need to ensure you have the healthy space to live your 1happylife on purpose. Keep in mind that these strategies are ready to apply within a built-in framework using your very own private and secure 1HL community for managing life on the go. The 1HL platform includes the essentials for establishing healthy boundaries through contactless communication, instant notifications, and your own personalized dashboard.  

Quit letting chaos call the shots, create the boundaries you need within your own private and secure 1HL family community.

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